Pensive

Well, life pretty much sucks often.  LOL.  Just kidding. I'm not a glass half full or glass half empty kind of a person.  I'm a that's not enough water to quench my thirst, but it's better than nothing kinda girl.  I am a realist.  I believe there's good in everyone and that we also all have a lot to learn, and say and do stupid things.  I'm the poster child for that. 

So anyway none of that is neither here nor there.  I've been doing okay for the past little bit, all things considered.  I'm keeping my head above water.  Trying to get ready for a recertification exam that has me stressed out.  It would be nice if life would stop and let you catch a breath sometimes, but hey well, it doesn't we all know that.  But it still would be nice.....like a freeze frame.

So anyway.  I have some fabulous friends, old and new, nothing better than a good friend who knows all your business and there are no holds barred.  Went to Scotland for a week. Had a lovely time.  Really.  Amazing, I love other cultures and went there for my friend and helped her through an emotional time.  Love her so much that it was so hard for me, knowing all the crap that she's been through in her own life to see her struggling.  She's been my rock.  I got to be hers for that week.  When someone gets you fully and you feel safe and protected by sharing with them because they help you see your shortcomings while acknowledging that they are just that, and they help you through.  When people are low and struggling and feel backed against the wall, we often shit on...or should on, as I always say the ones we love.  That happened.  I kept it all in perspective realizing she was having a hard time and lashing out, and didn't take it personally, I guess until I couldn't really until the jabs got so personal that it hurt to hear it coming from someone who you would entrust not just your life, but your kids as well.  And the person that normally helped me through this kind of shit?  Was the one heaping it on me.

Sometimes you have to dangle on your own.  You have to dangle on your own to realize that you have the strength to get yourself out of the predicament.  You can dangle and cry and feel sorry until you lose the ability to hold on completely and fall into a worthless heap, feeling bad that no one helped you.....or you freaking push yourself to find a foothold and regain some strength until you can find a better one that takes the pressure off.  I did that.  It was hard, I'm not an island, and no one should have to be, but your friends and those you count on are there for support, if you don't have faith and trust in yourself and your own knowledge of who you are, you'll inevitably flail and those who support you out will get tired of doing so, you'll wear them down....

Everyone has their own unique combination of strengths and flaws, find the balance and believe in yourself.