We all put everyone in a box based on what boxes they check. Those are apparently what defines a person. Male, Female, married/single/divorced, choose race...the one that always cracks me up on that one is other/non-hispanic...what is that even suppose to mean....I am any other race, just not hispanic...what does that have to do with anything? The list goes on and on, but you catch my drift. Maybe that's all fine and dandy...the scientic "gathering data" portion so that something can be accuarately quanitfied, defined, so that theories can be formed and tested and proven. There are probably plenty of people who are happy having those characteristics define them. I am sure they are. There are others, like me, who don't.
We all have goals and want to check boxes off at some point in our lifes, regarding marital status, education level, income level, age group, whatever. Those boxes all hopefully change over ones life course, because if none of them ever changed, that would mean you're complacent, non-progressive. Checked boxes become the medium for which we decide whether we even want to know someone, or read, or engage, or hear. We all do it. All of the social networking makes that the norm these days. Online matchmaking will compare our checked boxes and match them for us! Yippee! Let's not waste time getting to know someone.
There are people who are happy to put it all out there. They have nothing to lose by just being themselves. Those people are what I like to call single and childless, and if they're not, then selfish fits. Let me explain, the reality is that no one wants to know everything about your life, unless they find you to be interesting. The status updates, the location functions, great, we really can know what goes on in everyone's life every moment of the day. To each his own. If you are updating your status every two seconds and you have people always responding...good for you. If crickets chirp...take it as a sign, post less. You've probably been hidden from so many of your friends feeds who, while they might like you just fine, don't want to know all your everything. When you have children, a spouse, or someone you've appropriately put into the "significant other" box, with the requisite "linking" whether you like or not, your actions reflect on them. That is a reality of society. It just is. For me to say/do something publicly and have it be misinterpreted by someone who knows my son's friend and to risk having my son's friend tell my son what so and so and so thinks of his mother, is a reality. Yet, I need to be able to express myself and how I feel, I need outlets. I choose them wisely. It is pretty selfish for me to think that I can go in and state my mind whenever I like, however I like and think that it's not possibly going to reflect on my son when his math teacher hears it, and forms a judgement and opinion. Discretion is warranted when you decide to share your life with others. It's a reflection. You cannot worry about what others think, regarding your opinions, but neither can you control how they will spin it. The medium with which you spew your rhetoric ideally would be carefully selected, is my only point, as a courtesy for those who are "linked" to you.
For me, I am not going to totally let you know everything that's on my mind, unless you know me well enough that I feel you won't misconstrue and pass it along and misrepresent me. I have friends that don't like nitty gritty, I have other friends who do, I adjust accordingly, out of respect. To put something out there for people to take as they may is a perogative. You need to be prepared both for the misunderstandings, and the agreeing. You need to choose to explain, re-explain (or NOT) yourself and what you said. I can't be bothered. I'm not explaining myself to anyone who hasn't demonstrated a genuine interest, or desire to understand, and then only if I want to. Neither do I want to put my children in a position of having to defend me or my beliefs while I am teaching them to form their own.
Getting to know someone is a process. It takes time. Do I admire those who put it all out there? Do you want me to? Should I? If you're interesting and your perspective is engaging enough, I probably will admire, and respect, and comment, and respond...isn't that what you put it out there for? Otherwise, I don't really admire it, and can't because it doesn't call to me, what you're saying is not speaking to me, is not engaging to me, and may seem stupid to me...in fact, you may seem stupid to me, so I can't say that I won't form an opinon of you based on what YOU put out there for me to interpret as I will. So what, who cares? You shouldn't care or base what you put out on what any one person thinks, or doesn't think...but if no one cares, and if you're putting things out there that aren't getting the response you want, maybe you're innundating people and maybe you limit the posts/rants/whatever to a list of people who seem to care about those deets. As for the rest of us...well, we really just wanted to say "hi" that we have to keep you as our friend to not be rude, is well, just the way it works. It doesn't mean we want to know it all.
My point is we're missing something when we don't seek someone out. When we don't take the time to look beyond the checked boxes, when we form opinions and make decisions knowing very little more. The beautiful thing about every person is that they are layered. They have attributes and things to offer in relationships (all kinds) that can't be seen by the checked boxes. People don't like being shoved into a box that doesn't fit...then they look like that ridiculously contrived gift wrap job, rather than the package that they are, with the wrapping paper of their choosing and maybe a bow, maybe ribbon, maybe no finishing touches...maybe they're not finished yet, maybe they need to change the wrap because it didn't truly represent them, or the bow was not their style. You'll never get to see what's inside, and if it's worthwhile until you look beyond the checked boxes, beyond the label. Not every greeting card is the same, and not everyone likes the box that people want to put them in.
Are those things a good indicator if a person is worth knowing? Only if a certain set of qualifiers is most important to you. If that's all that matters to you, then smart of you to check those boxes first. If that philosophy keeps leaving you alone wanting more depth in your relationships, maybe you engage with those that appeal to you, before knowing all their qualifiers. Maybe life and relationships are not to be taken as an interview with only those with the appropriate screening critieria green lighted to move onto the interview. Maybe you give them a chance without knowing every superficial fact or detail and realize that there's a story (not necessarily an overly dramatic one) that makes sense and makes you see that box that you shoved them in because it didn't seem like anything you should concern yourself with really was illfitting, and what was inside was worth getting to know. Or let the facts define them, as I am sure they completely encompass you.
